


Eat at Your Own Risk

by AuroraNova



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Food, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 07:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova
Summary: Alien food can be a painful experience. Julian manages to find a silver lining anyway.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Elim Garak
Comments: 22
Kudos: 114





	Eat at Your Own Risk

Julian didn’t appreciate his second repetitive epic any more than the first. It was just so _dull_ , no matter what Garak claimed about the security of continuity or the value of certainty. His curiosity was nevertheless piqued by one theme in the book. All six generations, at one point or another, ate a dish called drula. It seemed to have some kind of significance which, par for the course in Cardassian literature, was only hinted at in the most oblique terms and therefore remained incomprehensible to outsiders.

Anyway, the recurring mention of drula brought to Julian’s attention that he didn’t know much about Cardassian food. In the beverage department he was slightly better-versed. He wouldn’t have minded giving up his firsthand knowledge of how rokassa juice smelled (how Garak could happily drink it, he honestly did not understand), and fish juice for breakfast sounded revolting, but he liked red leaf tea and had taken to ordering it from time to time. It tasted more or less like a cross between Earth green tea and mulled cider, which Julian took as a heartening sign that Cardassian cuisine was not uniformly disgusting.

Therefore, while waiting in line at the Replimat, he told Garak of his intention to try drula.

“I don’t recommend drula as your introduction to Cardassian food,” replied Garak.

“Why not?”

“It’s quite acidic, not to mention heavily spiced. Food from the Makada highlands is polarizing among other Cardassians, in fact.”

“Why is that?”

“I just told you,” said Garak. “It’s acidic. One typically takes a single bite of drula followed by one of a creamy soup, to give the tongue a respite.”

Julian thought back on his recent reading. “The book didn’t mention soup.” Unless it was vaguely hinted at, which was always a possibility in Cardassian literature, or at least the Cardassian literature Garak preferred.

“And in so doing, the author demonstrated that the Lador family was of exceptional fortitude. You may recall that in the fourth generation, Veras avoided drula.”

“Don’t tell me. That’s a stand-in for his general weakness.”

Garak beamed. “Why, Doctor, you are learning to appreciate Cardassian literature at last.”

“I’m not sure I’d go that far.” They were next in line, so Julian asked, “What kind of soup should I get with drula?”

“If you insist on the drula, nerel soup is best. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Noted,” said Julian, and placed his order.

* * *

You couldn’t fault Dr. Bashir’s willingness to experiment and risk the unknown. Garak, who would have recommended something milder such as sem’hal stew for the doctor’s first foray into Cardassian cuisine, both appreciated Bashir’s open mind and worried the trait would get him into difficulty sooner rather than later.

In any event, Bashir was determined. He eyed his drula critically. The nutritious dish was a mixture of two vegetables cooked down into a pastel orange paste which historically sustained peasants through the harsh highland winters. It was not known for its broad appeal to the palate, although it had a certain following among people who found it invigorating. Garak could think of more agreeable ways to invigorate himself. A rousing debate with Bashir, for instance.

“Is there anything else I should know about eating this?” asked the doctor.

“I’d start with a small spoonful if I were you.”

At least Bashir heeded that much advice. He scooped up an appropriately modest amount and ate it.

Correction. He put in his mouth, then his eyes widened and he discreetly spat the drula into his napkin.

“Do have the soup, Doctor,” Garak urged. “It helps tremendously.”

Bashir shook his head and stood, muttering something so slurred the Universal Translator was unable to decipher it. Garak, whose Federation Standard was passable and improving daily, picked out the words ‘burn’ and something which was probably ‘infirmary.’

Garak had never heard of anyone requiring medical care after consuming drula. Perhaps Cardassian mouths were hardier than human. He followed Bashir out of the Replimat and over the short distance to the infirmary. Usually the doctor was considerate about shortening his stride, but this time he walked with great haste and Garak nearly had to jog to keep up.

He knew Bashir shouldn’t have ordered drula.

In the infirmary, Bashir wasted no time scanning himself, tongue stuck out and a pained expression on his face. Garak was no expert, but he felt sure the human tongue was not meant to be such a bright shade of red.

After the tricorder came the dermal regenerator. Garak’s theory that human mouths were more prone to harm than Cardassian was evidently correct.

“Doctor?” asked one of the nurses. “Do you need help?”

Bashir shook his head and continued healing himself. The process took some minutes as he angled the regenerator around his mouth. The nurse watched with undisguised concern.

Finally, Bashir put down his instrument. “That was a chemical burn,” he said. 

“In your mouth?” asked the nurse.

“I placed an ill-advised lunch order.”

The nurse frowned. “Shouldn’t the replicator warn you?”

“It should, yes. Unless this particular food has never been tried by any Federation species, to the best of Starfleet’s knowledge.”

“Drula is one of the more obscure Cardassian dishes,” said Garak. If it didn’t have a small but devoted following it wouldn’t have been included in the standard military replicator system at all. Soldiers performed better when given the small comforts, Central Command had found, and strangely enough for some people drula was one such reminder of home.

When the nurse eyed him with suspicion, he felt compelled to defend himself against any concern that he had known about this possibility. “Obviously, it doesn’t burn our mouths.”

Bashir rescanned himself and then, satisfied, said, “I will have every Cardassian food which is not known to be safe taken out of the station’s pattern banks until we can test them. Aside from Cardassians, as I’ve just learned, only Bolians could eat drula safely.”

Garak made a mental note not to try Bolian cuisine.

* * *

“As it turns out, Cardassian saliva contains enzymes which immediately break down enough acid molecules on contact that they can safely eat highly acidic dishes.” Julian had a hunch that Garak only offered the saliva sample for testing because he felt badly about the drula incident. “I suspect the tissue in their mouths is also more resistant than ours, but the enzymes are the real key.”

Commander Sisko did not look terribly interested in the details of Cardassian oral biology. “I see. And just how many Cardassian recipes do you intend to test?”

“Four hundred and seventy-nine. Less than I would’ve guessed, actually. Apparently Cardassian Central Command isn’t interested in offering a great deal of variety.” Since the commander also didn’t appear concerned with comparative numbers of meal choices, Julian stopped speculating and went back to his report. “The remaining sixty-eight dishes are known to be safe.”

“Needless to say, this is your lowest priority.”

“Yes, sir.”

It was a fascinating project all the same. Julian was now very curious to see just what kind of acid levels Cardassians could manage to eat, and moreover, wondered if the most acidic foods would all come from the same region, which would beg the question of relative prevalence of enzymes in saliva. It could be a regional adaptation, in which case, maybe the reason drula was polarizing had to do with inheritance of the ability to produce the enzymes.

“And Doctor? Next time you decide to try food no human has ever eaten, scan it first.”

“Yes, sir.”

He thought better of telling Commander Sisko that he considered a minor chemical burn to be worthwhile if it meant he learned another elusive fact about Cardassian physiology.


End file.
